Naming Your Bicycle: 5 Easy Steps!


So… You’ve finally joined the hipster movement and got a bike, huh? No car anymore? Good for you. But have you given it a name?

I was never one to assign names to things I considered tools. Sure, I took care of them, but rarely did I consider cars and bicycles and skateboards anything other than inanimate objects. But I realized that, while I love thinking up names for things, I hadn’t given one to my bike. That’s where my step-by-step philosophical journey began.

Step 1. What gender is it? Where was it made?

This is gonna narrow down your prospective list of names. It’s easy to think of your bicycle and you being partners in crime. Assigning gender roles and heritage based on this bicycle/human relationship is certainly convenient. And it’s recognizable in a court of law, as long as the bike can sign all the proper paperwork (please don’t forget the prenup) Keep in mind you can imply no gender or origin country at all in the naming process.

Step 2. Listen to your inner voice.

Now that you’ve picked a broad brush for your name, how does your bike make you feel? I find biking rather meditative, because it occupies most of my senses (I’ve never tasted my bike). Maybe for you it’s exhilarating, or a necessary evil. Maybe it’s even an unnecessary evil, I don’t judge.

Step 3. How is he/she/it important?

There’s a marked difference between an occasional and every day rider. If your bike is something you use all the time, pick a name that has equal significance. Or if you just ride it when the weather’s warm, and the rest of the time it’s locked up in the garage, give it a stripper name.

Step 4. Time to vibe.

Make a list of names that meet your criteria. Let the Muse of Bicycle Naming speak to you. Here’s where you’ll start combining or splitting ideas, and don’t forget about anagrams or alliterations (always a crowd pleaser)!

Step 5. The envelope please…

It’s decision time. Whatever name you end up choosing will gain extra meaning for you.

Your bicycle has an identity now, and it reflects whatever you decided to shine on it. You’ll notice a difference in how you ride, you’ll cycle in the style of your bike’s name. It’s because you’ve assigned all this added importance to it. You’ve assessed the emotions you have riding it, made it a partner instead of a tool, and made it unique to you. The next time you’re looking at a steep hill, you’ll feel that you can do it together. Success is always at the top of the hill.